Boy oh boy. There are a lot of things about losing a parent that are very difficult. OK, I know, there is NOTHING about losing a parent that is NOT difficult. But I have a point here so I'll get right to it.
When you die, which, I'm sorry to tell you, you will do one day, someone is going to have to tie up all sorts of lose ends for you. They will be struggling with grief, guilt, stress, worry, heartache, and any number of other fun things that go with losing a loved one, so they won't be thinking all that clearly. So go ahead and set aside some time to get your "stuff" in order. It's probably one of the most loving things you can do.
I'm not saying my dad left a mess. It wasn't incredibly difficult, but then again, it wasn't very easy, either. His records -- those that I could find, anyway -- were a mish-mash of papers crammed in one big ol' drawer. No order, no system, no logic. An investment statement might be right next to an empty envelope from the phone company. My mom, bless her heart (and I sort of mean that in that southern way right now) is NO HELP. She wants to help, but she has perfected the helpless damsel in distress role to a high art form. Here are some things that you might want to think about.
Funerals are outrageous. I think we spent about $25k, and that didn't include a cemetary plot. We didn't, at least to my knowledge, do anything extravagent. The problem is, you're making decisions when the death and grief and shock are so fresh that someone could tell you that you will need an elephant at the funeral and you'd just sign the form. I'm not saying we were taken advantage of -- maybe we were, maybe we weren't --- but for sure, no one in my family was making any smart decisions about that purchase. Preplanning a funeral, while a depressing way to spend money, would be a really good thing to do.
Remember that someone will need to make sense out of your finances. Someone in your family should have a list of things like:
-do you have a will? Is it current? Where is it?
-life insurance and 401k. do you have a policy at work? who is the contact at work?
-passwords -- for bank accounts, computers, 401k, etc.
-what bank accounts do you have?
-where are important papers kept?
-who do you owe money to?
-does anyone owe YOU money?
-where are your tax records from previous year?
These are all things I've had to figure out on my own. Fortunately, my dad was not a very complex man, and he did not have complex finances. Simply gathering a month's worth of mail pretty much told me everything I needed to know. His bills were few, he hadn't set up any online accounts, and he had a will. The most challenging thing, so far, was deciphering his tax form from the previous year .... he did his own taxes, by hand, in his terrible handwriting.
I am the person in my family who handles all the finances. My husband doesn't like that sort of thing and is happy to just not worry about it. But if I die unexpectedly, he wouldn't know where to start. And I only have one son, so the thought of him having to make funeral arrangements all on his own breaks my heart. I am going to make it my business to get my "affairs in order" this year. You should too.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Changes
I have always had a tendency toward glass-half-empty kind of thinking. I try not to be that way, but it's kind of who I am. When things are going well, I'm sort of looking over my shoulder waiting for the dropping of shoes. Job's going great? I figure it's a matter of time until I blow something big. Vacation? I tend to focus on how quickly it's passing. So as the year of 2009 brought so many happy things into my life -- new house, new grandson, new daughter in law, for starters -- I had this nagging feeling that the worm was turning. So it was with a little trepidation that I rang in 2010. I felt I had used up my share of good stuff for awhile.
I was right. My dear father died one week into the new year. That was alot harder to write than I thought it would be.
I know that this is not a unique experience, but rather, sadly, a universal one. But it is painfully unique to me. I feel so lost. Empty. I suppose I'm depressed. I guess you get a free pass for depression in this situation. I know for sure I'm stressed. My mom has been leaning -- hard -- and I am trying not to break. It breaks my heart all over again to see how lost she is. It's not like she would ever admit it, but she relied on him for so many things. And now, she is looking to me to handle those things. I'm out of my depth here.
I am not going to write alot about my dad for now. I probably will, but right now, it just makes me cry, and I've cried about as much as I care to for awhile. I will just say that he was one of the finest people I have ever known. Someone told me, shortly after he died, to focus on the good memories and not dwell on the bad ones. That was easy --- I don't HAVE any bad memories.
I will say that I was stunned, overwhelmed, blown away by the support of my friends and co-workers. Stupefied at the goodness of the people in my life. People showed up. Called. Sent cards. Sent food. Prayed. I am humbled to have such friends in my life. OK, I'm crying now so I shall stop.
Anyway, I will just end with this. I can't believe my dad is gone. But the very last time I saw him, it was Christmas Day, and he was crawling around on the floor with his great-grandson -- CRAWLING ON THE FLOOR -- and loving every minute of it. I shall carry that memory -- and the blessings of the pictures that we took that day -- close to my heart.
I was right. My dear father died one week into the new year. That was alot harder to write than I thought it would be.
I know that this is not a unique experience, but rather, sadly, a universal one. But it is painfully unique to me. I feel so lost. Empty. I suppose I'm depressed. I guess you get a free pass for depression in this situation. I know for sure I'm stressed. My mom has been leaning -- hard -- and I am trying not to break. It breaks my heart all over again to see how lost she is. It's not like she would ever admit it, but she relied on him for so many things. And now, she is looking to me to handle those things. I'm out of my depth here.
I am not going to write alot about my dad for now. I probably will, but right now, it just makes me cry, and I've cried about as much as I care to for awhile. I will just say that he was one of the finest people I have ever known. Someone told me, shortly after he died, to focus on the good memories and not dwell on the bad ones. That was easy --- I don't HAVE any bad memories.
I will say that I was stunned, overwhelmed, blown away by the support of my friends and co-workers. Stupefied at the goodness of the people in my life. People showed up. Called. Sent cards. Sent food. Prayed. I am humbled to have such friends in my life. OK, I'm crying now so I shall stop.
Anyway, I will just end with this. I can't believe my dad is gone. But the very last time I saw him, it was Christmas Day, and he was crawling around on the floor with his great-grandson -- CRAWLING ON THE FLOOR -- and loving every minute of it. I shall carry that memory -- and the blessings of the pictures that we took that day -- close to my heart.
Saturday, November 7, 2009
The Gratitude Project
A Facebook friend (and someone I've known a really long time) posted that, because Thanksgiving is this month, each day's status update for the month would be about something for which she was thankful. What a great idea! I decided to do the same. The most amazing part about it is how it has snowballed. I see some of my friends picking up the idea, and I'm sure they're passing it along to their friends, and hopefully, on and on it goes. Because really, when you're focusing on the things that you have to be grateful about, it's hard to pout.
I'd like to expound a little bit on my first week's worth of gratitude meditations. A status update can only be so long, after all.
Nov. 1. I am grateful for the end of daylight savings time. I know that seems very frivolous, but to me, it really isn't. For one thing, there's that extra, glorious hour of weekend. I usually spend the Saturday night of the time change looking at the clock and thinking, "it's 10:00. But not really! Really, it's 9:00!" And so on. But the fact is, I just can't stand waking up when it's dark. My body is smarter than that. Just moving the clock around doesn't convince me that it's really earlier than I think it is, or later, or whichever. It's so confusing. I think I miss that lost hour all summer long! People complain about going back to standard time, they don't like it being dark when they come home from work. But I find it cozier somehow. I like it.
Nov. 2. It was a Monday, and my first thought was "yuck, Monday". But then I realized that alot of people I know don't have jobs right now, don't have any place to dread going on Monday. And I realized how very glad and thankful I am for a job, a good job at that. Most of my family has been affected by this economy at one time or another, and many of my friends. It sucks. I am very thankful for my job.
Nov. 3. I am incredibly grateful for my amazing friends. I have found old ones and made new ones on Facebook, I have friends from practically every job I've ever had, and I have friends that are like family to me. They are wise, funny, caring, and generous. I have a friend who dressed me in the hospital once. A friend who helped me throw a baby shower for my daughter in law. A friend who was at the hospital with me when my son was born, and I returned the favor 10 years later. Friends who spent most of a weekend catering my son's wedding. I've rediscovered old friends on Facebook that I hope to reconnect with in person. I could go on and on and on because truly, I am rich in friendship. I don't know how I got so lucky.
Nov. 4 brought news that my precious 5 month old grandson had a confirmed case of swine flu. This was not happy news. However, i was incredibly thankful that he had been taken to the doctor right away, put on Tamiflu, and was having a relatively mild case, it seemed. He continues to improve. In a day and time when many people don't have access to health care, I am so grateful that my grandson does, at least for now.
Nov. 5. I am having a wonderful year, mostly related to the happy expansion of my family. My son got married this year, and I now have a daughter. I don't really think of her as an "in-law", with all those silly negative connotations. She is my family. I love her so much and am so thankful to have another person in this world who loves my son as much as I do. (maybe even more!)
Nov. 6 was a pretty good day. My friend and co-worker brought homemade breakfast to the office. It was Friday. I found myself thinking how much I enjoy cutting up and hanging out with the people I work with. We have some really annoying things happen at work -- doesn't everyone? -- but we have a great time commiserating together. And I enjoy them when we're not being miserable about something, too. I really do have a great bunch of co-workers. It's a good thing, since I spend more time with them than I do my family!
Nov. 7. I have only one child, my son Eric. I know I'm supposed to say these things because I'm his mom, but damn, I hit the jackpot with that kid. He has grown into such a fun, smart, funny, loving and responsible adult. He is very considerate of him mom and dad and we are very close. I couldn't be more proud of the son I've raised.
So far, thinking of my post for each day has been easy. It's funny how just thinking of one thing each day, and writing it down, really focuses me on the positive aspects of my life. It's been said that what you focus on is what you see. I'm going to try to remember that.
I'd like to expound a little bit on my first week's worth of gratitude meditations. A status update can only be so long, after all.
Nov. 1. I am grateful for the end of daylight savings time. I know that seems very frivolous, but to me, it really isn't. For one thing, there's that extra, glorious hour of weekend. I usually spend the Saturday night of the time change looking at the clock and thinking, "it's 10:00. But not really! Really, it's 9:00!" And so on. But the fact is, I just can't stand waking up when it's dark. My body is smarter than that. Just moving the clock around doesn't convince me that it's really earlier than I think it is, or later, or whichever. It's so confusing. I think I miss that lost hour all summer long! People complain about going back to standard time, they don't like it being dark when they come home from work. But I find it cozier somehow. I like it.
Nov. 2. It was a Monday, and my first thought was "yuck, Monday". But then I realized that alot of people I know don't have jobs right now, don't have any place to dread going on Monday. And I realized how very glad and thankful I am for a job, a good job at that. Most of my family has been affected by this economy at one time or another, and many of my friends. It sucks. I am very thankful for my job.
Nov. 3. I am incredibly grateful for my amazing friends. I have found old ones and made new ones on Facebook, I have friends from practically every job I've ever had, and I have friends that are like family to me. They are wise, funny, caring, and generous. I have a friend who dressed me in the hospital once. A friend who helped me throw a baby shower for my daughter in law. A friend who was at the hospital with me when my son was born, and I returned the favor 10 years later. Friends who spent most of a weekend catering my son's wedding. I've rediscovered old friends on Facebook that I hope to reconnect with in person. I could go on and on and on because truly, I am rich in friendship. I don't know how I got so lucky.
Nov. 4 brought news that my precious 5 month old grandson had a confirmed case of swine flu. This was not happy news. However, i was incredibly thankful that he had been taken to the doctor right away, put on Tamiflu, and was having a relatively mild case, it seemed. He continues to improve. In a day and time when many people don't have access to health care, I am so grateful that my grandson does, at least for now.
Nov. 5. I am having a wonderful year, mostly related to the happy expansion of my family. My son got married this year, and I now have a daughter. I don't really think of her as an "in-law", with all those silly negative connotations. She is my family. I love her so much and am so thankful to have another person in this world who loves my son as much as I do. (maybe even more!)
Nov. 6 was a pretty good day. My friend and co-worker brought homemade breakfast to the office. It was Friday. I found myself thinking how much I enjoy cutting up and hanging out with the people I work with. We have some really annoying things happen at work -- doesn't everyone? -- but we have a great time commiserating together. And I enjoy them when we're not being miserable about something, too. I really do have a great bunch of co-workers. It's a good thing, since I spend more time with them than I do my family!
Nov. 7. I have only one child, my son Eric. I know I'm supposed to say these things because I'm his mom, but damn, I hit the jackpot with that kid. He has grown into such a fun, smart, funny, loving and responsible adult. He is very considerate of him mom and dad and we are very close. I couldn't be more proud of the son I've raised.
So far, thinking of my post for each day has been easy. It's funny how just thinking of one thing each day, and writing it down, really focuses me on the positive aspects of my life. It's been said that what you focus on is what you see. I'm going to try to remember that.
Saturday, October 24, 2009
WHEW.
If I am not mistaken, (and please, God, I hope I'm not mistaken) I have reached the end of the long list of exciting things happening this year. Moving, grandson, big birthday, son's marriage. I'm exhausted!
I am a person who is happiest with a fairly empty plate. I don't really like to have too much going on at any given time. I think life is what happens in between all the "must do's". OK, so I'm lazy. This year of crazy busyness has whooped my ass. So why, now that it's all over, am I feeling so blue?
There's something to be said for having something to look forward to, I suppose. I'm sure I'm a little down to have crossed all of the landmark events of this year off the list.
The wedding was beautiful. I was honored to be allowed to participate in all the planning and organizing for the big day. I now feel like I have a daughter -- which is kind of cool after living among men for so many years. And my friends, who ROCK by the way, jumped in and helped out with everything from cake making to catering to providing an affordable honeymoon rental, and lots of things in between.
So after weeks and weeks of crazy, this weekend has been, so far, blessedly quiet and uneventful. And I am puzzled to realize that I'm a little bit bored.
What's next? I think I'm ready!
I am a person who is happiest with a fairly empty plate. I don't really like to have too much going on at any given time. I think life is what happens in between all the "must do's". OK, so I'm lazy. This year of crazy busyness has whooped my ass. So why, now that it's all over, am I feeling so blue?
There's something to be said for having something to look forward to, I suppose. I'm sure I'm a little down to have crossed all of the landmark events of this year off the list.
The wedding was beautiful. I was honored to be allowed to participate in all the planning and organizing for the big day. I now feel like I have a daughter -- which is kind of cool after living among men for so many years. And my friends, who ROCK by the way, jumped in and helped out with everything from cake making to catering to providing an affordable honeymoon rental, and lots of things in between.
So after weeks and weeks of crazy, this weekend has been, so far, blessedly quiet and uneventful. And I am puzzled to realize that I'm a little bit bored.
What's next? I think I'm ready!
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Happy Birthday to Me
I just had a great big birthday. I hit the big "five-oh". I couldn't really get a grip on how I felt about it. I won't go so far as to say I embraced it --I pretty much was down with just trying to ignore it. Didn't work out so well.
For one thing, my family and friends kept asking about my "big plans". When I'd say I really didn't have or want any "big plans", they'd look at me like I had a bugger hanging out of my nose or something. But really, I didn't -- until about 48 hours before my birthday, when I suddenly started pouting because I didn't have any plans.
Now this I should disclose about myself: I am a birthday brat. I have always expected BIG THINGS on my birthday. Not big gifts, necessarily, (although those would be fine) but merely that the world revolve around me for exactly 24 hours (or more in some cases -- I've been known to declare a birthday week). I want lots of fuss. I blame it on being a Leo --most of my Leo friends are the same way I am. I have learned over time that my husband, who loves me very much, is not a big birthday person. He finds my birthday neediness to be perplexing, annoying, and, I believe, more than a little bit scary. When my birthday comes, he is paralyzed with the fear of getting it wrong. He remains so paralyzed that he ends up not buying or doing anything until the last panic-stricken moment.
So really, my best birthdays are the ones I plan myself. My 40th was a great event that I orchestrated and directed like a crazed mad-woman. And then, from the stress of planning it all, I proceeded to get poop-faced drunk about an hour before the guest arrived. I hear I had a great time. I've seen pictures that indicate that I did indeed, but unfortunately, about the time I sobered up from my pre-party nervous cocktails, someone thought tequila shots were in order. So needless to say, I spent the first days of the decade of the 40's 1) puking, and 2) extraordinarily hung over. (Hangovers last several days beginning at age 40, I've learned)
But I just didn't feel up to planning my 50th. I've already moved this year, become a grandmother, and have a wedding to help plan. And really, I was fine with a small celebration, until about 2 days before my birthday. Then my inner spoiled birthday girl reared her head. My husband asked, one final innocent time, "are you sure there's nothing special you want to do for your birthday?" To which, I replied, "YOU KNOW WHAT I WANT? I WANT YOU TO FIGURE OUT WHAT TO DO WITHOUT ME HAVING TO TELL YOU!" Let's be fair. My husband is a wonderful guy, but he has a long and storied history of mucking up birthdays and special occasions. He knows this about himself, and he would change, I believe, if he could. Well, my outburst elicited a look of fear as if my head had spun around a la' Linda Blair in the Exorcist.
But something amazing happened. First, I had a wonderful dinner with my family, who gave me the most incredibly thoughtful and loving gifts. Most cherished of all, a handmade, heartfelt card from my future daughter-in-law. And accompanying that, tickets to see Bruce Springsteen that my son had won for me (at no small effort, I understand). So, with my heart already full of love and thankfulness for my many blessings, I walked into my home to be greeted by a houseful of dear, wonderful friends. Somehow, my husband came through. He had the good sense to call in help -- first, my son, who, together with his fiancee', and one of my dearest friends, scoured my Facebook friends list, sent out stealth invitations, and lo and behold, in less than 2 days, assembled an evening I'll never forget.
All those birthdays I dreaded? They just keep getting better and better. I can't wait for 60!
For one thing, my family and friends kept asking about my "big plans". When I'd say I really didn't have or want any "big plans", they'd look at me like I had a bugger hanging out of my nose or something. But really, I didn't -- until about 48 hours before my birthday, when I suddenly started pouting because I didn't have any plans.
Now this I should disclose about myself: I am a birthday brat. I have always expected BIG THINGS on my birthday. Not big gifts, necessarily, (although those would be fine) but merely that the world revolve around me for exactly 24 hours (or more in some cases -- I've been known to declare a birthday week). I want lots of fuss. I blame it on being a Leo --most of my Leo friends are the same way I am. I have learned over time that my husband, who loves me very much, is not a big birthday person. He finds my birthday neediness to be perplexing, annoying, and, I believe, more than a little bit scary. When my birthday comes, he is paralyzed with the fear of getting it wrong. He remains so paralyzed that he ends up not buying or doing anything until the last panic-stricken moment.
So really, my best birthdays are the ones I plan myself. My 40th was a great event that I orchestrated and directed like a crazed mad-woman. And then, from the stress of planning it all, I proceeded to get poop-faced drunk about an hour before the guest arrived. I hear I had a great time. I've seen pictures that indicate that I did indeed, but unfortunately, about the time I sobered up from my pre-party nervous cocktails, someone thought tequila shots were in order. So needless to say, I spent the first days of the decade of the 40's 1) puking, and 2) extraordinarily hung over. (Hangovers last several days beginning at age 40, I've learned)
But I just didn't feel up to planning my 50th. I've already moved this year, become a grandmother, and have a wedding to help plan. And really, I was fine with a small celebration, until about 2 days before my birthday. Then my inner spoiled birthday girl reared her head. My husband asked, one final innocent time, "are you sure there's nothing special you want to do for your birthday?" To which, I replied, "YOU KNOW WHAT I WANT? I WANT YOU TO FIGURE OUT WHAT TO DO WITHOUT ME HAVING TO TELL YOU!" Let's be fair. My husband is a wonderful guy, but he has a long and storied history of mucking up birthdays and special occasions. He knows this about himself, and he would change, I believe, if he could. Well, my outburst elicited a look of fear as if my head had spun around a la' Linda Blair in the Exorcist.
But something amazing happened. First, I had a wonderful dinner with my family, who gave me the most incredibly thoughtful and loving gifts. Most cherished of all, a handmade, heartfelt card from my future daughter-in-law. And accompanying that, tickets to see Bruce Springsteen that my son had won for me (at no small effort, I understand). So, with my heart already full of love and thankfulness for my many blessings, I walked into my home to be greeted by a houseful of dear, wonderful friends. Somehow, my husband came through. He had the good sense to call in help -- first, my son, who, together with his fiancee', and one of my dearest friends, scoured my Facebook friends list, sent out stealth invitations, and lo and behold, in less than 2 days, assembled an evening I'll never forget.
All those birthdays I dreaded? They just keep getting better and better. I can't wait for 60!
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Farewell to Miss California
I admit it. I am one of those gazillion baby boomers who has recently discovered the fun of Facebook. I find it a blast, and a great way to waste time (which somehow seems to be my favorite thing to do....) I have reconnected with people I haven't seen or talked to in years, and for the most part, it has been wonderful. Except this one time. And I blame it all on the Former Miss California.
It all started over one of those silly Facebook apps. This one asked you to name 5 people you'd like to "punch in the face". Smart-assed liberal that I am, I picked Ann Coulter, Rush Limbaugh, and Bill O'Reilly. Just because I don't like her and think she's SO over-rated, I added Madonna. And my last pick was someone who'd been pissing me off -- Carrie Prejean, Miss California and almost-Miss America.
Now, I could give a rat's patootie about Miss CA's now-famous opinion about gay marriage. I disagree with her, but hey, I realize it's a hot-button issue, and I don't expect everyone in the world to share my opinions. (only the smart people. he he) And I don't care that she posed half naked even though it's against the rules. What's pissed me off about her is that she couldn't shut the F up about how the only reason she wasn't Miss America was because of her opinion about gay marriage. (hello, you lost. get over it. your answer was inarticulate) Every time I turned on the freaking TV for weeks, there she was, all smug and conservative. (all the ultra conservative people I know like to pose half naked. How 'bout you?)
Well, anyway. I posted my silly little "5 people" list, then went to bed. Next day, I spent the whole day defending myself against the railings of some clearly homophobic right wing chick who I was friends with in the 3rd grade. We haven't seen each other since about 1970, but she felt a need to attack the fact that I don't care for this beauty-queen chick. She accused me of everything from being a close-minded liberal to having anger management issues because I made a list of people I'd like to punch. I defriended her ass. But it really kind of bothered me. I mean, it was just a silly little time-wasting Facebook application! Why was this wingnut: a) so offended by it, and b) so determined to spend her entire day harassing me about it?
So every time that Prejean bitch comes on TV, it reminds me of that unpleasant experience. And makes me want to punch her in the face for real. And I don't like having such violent thoughts. So when I heard she was finally geting the boot, I was relieved. And crazy girl from 3rd grade, if you're out there, take THAT.
It all started over one of those silly Facebook apps. This one asked you to name 5 people you'd like to "punch in the face". Smart-assed liberal that I am, I picked Ann Coulter, Rush Limbaugh, and Bill O'Reilly. Just because I don't like her and think she's SO over-rated, I added Madonna. And my last pick was someone who'd been pissing me off -- Carrie Prejean, Miss California and almost-Miss America.
Now, I could give a rat's patootie about Miss CA's now-famous opinion about gay marriage. I disagree with her, but hey, I realize it's a hot-button issue, and I don't expect everyone in the world to share my opinions. (only the smart people. he he) And I don't care that she posed half naked even though it's against the rules. What's pissed me off about her is that she couldn't shut the F up about how the only reason she wasn't Miss America was because of her opinion about gay marriage. (hello, you lost. get over it. your answer was inarticulate) Every time I turned on the freaking TV for weeks, there she was, all smug and conservative. (all the ultra conservative people I know like to pose half naked. How 'bout you?)
Well, anyway. I posted my silly little "5 people" list, then went to bed. Next day, I spent the whole day defending myself against the railings of some clearly homophobic right wing chick who I was friends with in the 3rd grade. We haven't seen each other since about 1970, but she felt a need to attack the fact that I don't care for this beauty-queen chick. She accused me of everything from being a close-minded liberal to having anger management issues because I made a list of people I'd like to punch. I defriended her ass. But it really kind of bothered me. I mean, it was just a silly little time-wasting Facebook application! Why was this wingnut: a) so offended by it, and b) so determined to spend her entire day harassing me about it?
So every time that Prejean bitch comes on TV, it reminds me of that unpleasant experience. And makes me want to punch her in the face for real. And I don't like having such violent thoughts. So when I heard she was finally geting the boot, I was relieved. And crazy girl from 3rd grade, if you're out there, take THAT.
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Happy Talk
I am in a place that feels very unfamiliar to me today. It is quite exhilarating and, like anything unfamiliar, a little bit frightening. This place I'm at? Complete and utter contentment with my life.
I am not accustomed to this place. I dwell in the land of cynicism and self-recrimination. But I think I am, literally, as fat and happy and I've ever been in my life. (The fat part will have to be another post. Fat-talk and happy-talk don't work well together.)
It's been a tough year for a lot of people. I have several friends and family members who are having a pretty crappy year, and I hate that. Boy, have I been there. I am not accustomed to having things fall into place easily. Fortune does NOT often feel very smiley toward me. So I sort of feel guilty, and shocked, that that I am having such an amazing and wonderful year -- my first grandchild on the way, my son's impending marriage, our new home, a job that seems relatively secure (by today's standards, anyway). And yesterday, my hubby and I celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary.
It's kind of a big deal, I think, to be married that long. I have no magic answer for how I managed to do that, but when asked the secret to a long marriage, I can only offer this: Stay married, even when you think you might want out. It might pass. (It did, every time) Now, that's not to say I think people should stay together no matter what, but I do think that it's easy to forget what all those commitments we made at the alter really mean. The "worse" part of "for better or worse" implies that some really shitty stuff will go down, but we tend to have trouble seeing that on the wedding day, what with the standard-issue rose colored wedding-day glasses we're wearing.
But here I am, 25 years later, still married. Who'd have thunk it? Yep, there's been some "worse". But a heck of a lot of "better". We created, out of nothing, a family; a life. Fully textured, fully lived, with tears and laughter and memories. The past 25 years have not always been easy. We've faced really scary health crises, and we've buried cherished family members. We've dealt with financial challenges, disappointments, and job losses. Sometimes, we didn't like each other very much.
But we also built traditions and created memories. We raised a wonderful son who has grown into an amazing young man, and is now starting his own family. We've made rich friendships that feel like family. We've found that hard times really DO make us stronger, and that life is just easier when shared. Along the way, we both realized that we were married to our best friend.
I'm happy that my husband stuck with me all these years. He damn well better be happy I stuck with him! It hasn't always been easy, but it HAS always been worth it. I feel very, very fortunate, and yes, blessed.
I am not accustomed to this place. I dwell in the land of cynicism and self-recrimination. But I think I am, literally, as fat and happy and I've ever been in my life. (The fat part will have to be another post. Fat-talk and happy-talk don't work well together.)
It's been a tough year for a lot of people. I have several friends and family members who are having a pretty crappy year, and I hate that. Boy, have I been there. I am not accustomed to having things fall into place easily. Fortune does NOT often feel very smiley toward me. So I sort of feel guilty, and shocked, that that I am having such an amazing and wonderful year -- my first grandchild on the way, my son's impending marriage, our new home, a job that seems relatively secure (by today's standards, anyway). And yesterday, my hubby and I celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary.
It's kind of a big deal, I think, to be married that long. I have no magic answer for how I managed to do that, but when asked the secret to a long marriage, I can only offer this: Stay married, even when you think you might want out. It might pass. (It did, every time) Now, that's not to say I think people should stay together no matter what, but I do think that it's easy to forget what all those commitments we made at the alter really mean. The "worse" part of "for better or worse" implies that some really shitty stuff will go down, but we tend to have trouble seeing that on the wedding day, what with the standard-issue rose colored wedding-day glasses we're wearing.
But here I am, 25 years later, still married. Who'd have thunk it? Yep, there's been some "worse". But a heck of a lot of "better". We created, out of nothing, a family; a life. Fully textured, fully lived, with tears and laughter and memories. The past 25 years have not always been easy. We've faced really scary health crises, and we've buried cherished family members. We've dealt with financial challenges, disappointments, and job losses. Sometimes, we didn't like each other very much.
But we also built traditions and created memories. We raised a wonderful son who has grown into an amazing young man, and is now starting his own family. We've made rich friendships that feel like family. We've found that hard times really DO make us stronger, and that life is just easier when shared. Along the way, we both realized that we were married to our best friend.
I'm happy that my husband stuck with me all these years. He damn well better be happy I stuck with him! It hasn't always been easy, but it HAS always been worth it. I feel very, very fortunate, and yes, blessed.
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