Doctor, My Eyes!

Getting old kind of sucks. For many reasons. I could go on and on. But for now, I'm only going to go on about the vision part.

I've worn glasses or contact since I was, I think, about 8. My mother was "frugal" before it was cool to be frugal, and she would be the cheapest possible thing no matter what.

(a quick story that proves my point. When I was pregnant, just barely pregnant, and living 400 miles from home, mom called to ask if I needed anything. I was quickly becoming too fat for my regular clothes but not yet big enough for maternity clothes. So, I told her I needed some stretchy sweat pants in a size Large. She sent them. In a size Medium. Which didn't fit. When I asked why, I was told that the medium ones were one dollar cheaper.)

OK back on point. My frugal mother purchased for my first pair of glasses the least expensive glasses she could. These were blue, pointy, and very, very, very not cool. I realize retro is kind of "in" now, but before it becomes retro, it's ugly and geeky. So off I went into the belly of the beast that is grade school, sporting my specs. Yeah, four-eyes was one of the nicer things I was called. I became the "girl with the glasses". And it's true what they say about boys and passes and girls with glasses. (at least I think it was the glasses!)

My memories of growing up oddly include many about my vision correction devices. Finally getting the cool wire rimmed specs in 7th grade. Begging, pleading, crying for contact lenses at 15. Begging, pleading, crying for SOFT lenses at 17 and not getting them. Buying them myself when I was 18, going out and getting drunker than a skunk the first night I wore them, (I'm so old it was legal to drink when i was 18) and 3 of my college hall-mates (who had been drinking with me) trying to help me get them out. Hint: they don't come out the same way as the hard ones did.

So I go every year for the eye exam, and have been doing this for lots o' years. When I hit 40, doctors started warning me that the reading vision would start going any time. Ha. I could read even the tiniest print on the card. Year after year. My reading vision was fine, thank you very much. Until all of a sudden, it wasn't. Crap! I couldn't read the time on your watch, the back of a box of macaroni to see how long to cook it, and Lord help if I need to know how many pills to take! So I started sporting the readers, leaving them in every room, purse, and location. I must have collected 10 pairs. But I always hated how I look in glasses, and this just wasn't making me happy.

When I first tried multi-focal lenses, I was ecstatic. These amazing lenses are comprised of concentric circles for close vision/distance vision, and somehow one's eyes just know which circle to use. Amazing! No more readers! I could see like a 39 year old! And I could, for a long time. Until I couldn't. Apparently, the worse your close-vision gets, the less likely it becomes that these types of lenses will work. So next, we did the split one-eye-for-close-and-one-eye-for distance. I hated it the whole time. I felt off balance, and I couldn't really see that well up close OR at a distance. Plus, my dry-eyes have gotten worse and worse, making contacts terribly uncomfortable some days.

So this last visit, I scrapped them. Now on deck: Daily wear disposables. So thin you can barely see them. UBER comfy.Wear 'em once, and toss 'em. No cleaning, no solution to buy. And, once more, an array of stylish, cute, quirky readers. I'm learning to embrace the four-eye look again. I may even look for a pair of pointy blue ones.